In my early years of entrepreneurship, I operated under a dangerous illusion: I believed that every disagreement was a battle that had to be won. Every meeting, an arena. Every negotiation, a clash of egos. I was armed with facts, logic, and a burning desire to prove I was right. And, most of the time, I did it. I walked out of the room with a feeling of victory, leaving behind “the defeated.”
Today, I understand how shortsighted I was. I was a good tactician, but a terrible strategist.
My father had a saying that, at the time, I didn’t fully understand: “My attic is full of being right, I don’t want any more.” Today, that saying is the cornerstone of how I manage relationships, negotiations, and conflicts. I’ve learned to manage my greatest enemy: my own EGO.
The “What Do I Win, What Do I Lose?” Theorem
In recent years, I’ve developed a simple mental filter that I apply before entering any confrontation. Before expressing my point of view, no matter how correct it may be, I ask myself two things:
- If I insist and prove I’m right, what do I gain, concretely?
- If I stay silent, let things pass, and close my eyes, what happens?
The answer is often surprising. The gain of proving your intellectual superiority is almost always a momentary gain, a small drug for the EGO. But the long-term cost can be immense: a strained relationship, a demotivated partner, a blocked negotiation.
The Power of Strategic Silence
I’ve observed two fascinating patterns in people:
- People realize their mistake on their own. Most of the time, if a mistake isn’t critical, the best thing you can do is do nothing. Give them time. Intelligent people will realize on their own where they went wrong, and their respect for you, the one who didn’t point out their mistake, will grow exponentially.
- People know they’re wrong, but their EGO won’t let them admit it. It has happened to me countless times in meetings with important people. They presented nonsensical arguments, bragged about obviously false things. They knew I knew the truth. But at that moment, they weren’t looking for truth. They were looking for validation. They were looking to protect their “rank and stripes.” To dismantle their construct would have been social and business suicide. So I let them enjoy their moment. I let them win a battle that didn’t matter to me.
Don’t misunderstand me: I don’t let myself be lied to and I don’t tolerate incompetence on critical issues. But I’ve learned to tell the difference between a business problem and an EGO problem.
My Message: Win the War, Not Every Battle
The world is full of intelligent people who sabotage their success because they can’t let go of the need to be right. They win arguments but lose allies. They correct every minor detail but lose sight of the big picture.
The real strategy is to choose your battles.
- Fight to the death for your principles and for decisions that can change the fate of the company.
- For everything else, leave room for grace. Let others feel like winners too. Offer them small, insignificant victories. The cost to you is zero. The gain in relationship capital is immense.
As my father said, the attic is already full of being right. What you really need are bridges to the people who will help you win the war. And those bridges are often built on the battles you chose, deliberately, not to fight.
By
